It has been almost three weeks since my last chemo treatment. I am feeling so good, although some side effects remain like the sensitivity to cold I noticed when I was helping fillet and package the salmon the kids caught. I also still need to stay pretty close to a bathroom. I am not suffering from any nausea and my stomach feels wonderful. It is nice to have some energy to do things with the family this week. I have another week of freedom and then the treatments are supposed to start again, at least 3 more. I am also getting a ct scan at some time in the near future to see if this chemo has done anything to the tumors in my liver. Having this last week with the grand children and feeling good has been a real blessing.

Now the babies and big girls are gone. They flew out of here last night and this morning and I am going to miss them. I have to admit that things have been pretty crazy around here with 10 people rubbing shoulders in our 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom cabin but we made some sweet memories. This last week we added Heather's husband's family to many of the activities as they were here on vacation too, however they were staying with friends in Anchorage. We hiked in Hatcher Pass yesterday, We have processed lots of Salmon; Rob and Jared brought home Kenai Reds from a couple of fishing trips and Angela went dip netting at fish creek and caught 14 silvers and reds. We celebrated Meg's birthday this week she turns 11 on the 2nd of August and Heather and Angie and I took her and Grace shopping for school clothes. Of course we visited the Iditarod Museum and the grand kids took a ride on the dog sleds, and we have had ice cream at Little Millers and other places numerous times. I will remember making muffins with them, everyone helping, stirring and tasting and singing tra la la boom dee aye while they kept time with paper plate drums and forks and butter knives, walks to the lake to look for ducks and fish and watching them play together. Seeing Brian holding William on his lap watching "I just can't wait to be King on you-tube over and over again and Abbie snuggling into his shoulder, just enjoying being held. Meg and Grace asking their grandpa to be "hilarious" as he shares with them short sentences that contain those "potty" words which he tells them for some reason will always make a 5 year old or a 10 year old laugh.
It has been a summer to remember and I appreciate Brian for helping to make it happen.

Brian and I visited with the doctor on Thursday. I was still not feeling very good. In fact until Friday I had trouble with my stomach hurting. We discussed taking a break because my grandkids are here for only one more week and I didn't want to be sick this last week. Then I asked him about taking one more week so it wouldn't mess up my family visits at work. He said okay take two weeks!! Maybe I will feel like I can face another Chemo session after that break. The doctor did say that I was getting a stronger dose of chemo than some because I have the potential of being cured, so that is why I am getting so sick. I am looking at 3 or 4 more chemo sessions and then my surgery. Hmmm we will see. I am also looking at a scan to see if we can tell if the chemo is effective.

I am feeling pretty normal today, Sunday. It is so nice not to be looking at having Chemo tomorrow.
We played at Beaver Lake on Saturday with the family and friends. In spite of the weather we had a great time wake boarding, sitting in the hot tub and visiting. We celebrated several of our close friends July birthdays with a program on untalented and a dance. Brian and I took portable army showers and running shorts for gifts.
We spent Sunday with Jared's family, dinner and visiting. I am looking forward to working half days next week and visiting with my grandchildren and children before they head home this weekend. I look forward to feeling good for the next few weeks! Eating real food and building up my reserves for the rest of the chemo.

It has been over a week since my last treatment. This morning I really felt sick. I hate to say this but I have not recovered nearly as quickly from this last treatment as I have the last two. That worries me a little. I am now able to drink my water when I have put a little apple cider in it. It makes it easier on my tummy, thanks to my brother for reminding me of that. I am considering asking the doctor about putting a few more weeks between this last and the next treatment, especially since my grandchildren are here for only a few more weeks.

Having the family around has been a great distraction to me and one that I enjoy and am grateful to have.
Rob, my oldest son and Jared, Heather's husband headed down to the Kenai to fish, taking Meg and Grace, Rob's daughters with them last Thurs. They had a great time and came home with 13 reds. We broiled several fillets on Sunday, basted them with butter and then drizzled a lemon- lime ginger sauce over them. Wow! So tasty!! Jared commented that that would be a 50.00 a plate meal! He is probably right. ( juice of one lemon, one lime, 1 cup sugar, grated fresh ginger to taste, and lemon and lime zest to taste. simmer until it thickens. Serve over grilled or broiled salmon fillet.)
I enjoyed taking a walk with Grace and Will on Sunday evening. We walked to Wasilla Lake and looked for fish under the bridge. Will thought it was fun walking barefoot in the grass. Grace danced around us chattering and singing like the little performer she is.

Monday night we had family home evening with the little ones and that was sweet. Grace picked the songs and led them. Meg took care of assigning the prayers. I gave the lesson and Rob planned the activity. It was so sweet to see how the children responded when we all took turns telling what we thought was special about them and each other. We played duck duck goose and even little Will who is 18 months was tapping us on the head and saying duck duck and then running down the hall and back as fast as he could go. There is nothing sweeter than kneeling with your children and little ones in family prayer together at the end of the day.

Friends and Family continue to bless my life with their kind deeds and thoughts and prayers. I am blessed.

Chemo on Monday.... the doctor agreed to try a different chemo protocol after a long discussion. Near the end of my treatment I became nauseated and vomited several times, didn't want to let that waste basket go. I had an anxiety attack, couldn't stop moving my legs and my arms.
Brian told the nurse he wouldn't take me home like that, but over to the emergency room. She gave me several different medications to take care of things and something to put me to sleep and it did. I slept all night with very few challenges except being thirsty and needing a drink. This morning I headed to the infusion lab for a transfusion and some hydration and I have been sleeping and relaxing and handling the day pretty well. I will try to go to work tomorrow.

It has been nice time to snuggle and read to the babies and to visit with my children.

I think this new chemo is something I am going to be able to handle for the next 3 treatments. We will see.

I never thought I would be sipping warm coca cola all day long, but it definitely helps my nausea. Will I end up being addicted to coke before this is over? Randy, my son who was visiting during this last treatment, made me hibiscus and ginger tea with just a little sugar---it is very tart without any sugar and it is very rich in vitamin c, it settled well on my tummy and I was also able to drink it in quantity. My essiac tea also settled well and water with lots of lemon but water alone just didn't go down well. I made several trips to the infusion lab for hydration which gave me more energy and helped the nausea. Toward the end of the week I was feeling a little more normal. Unfortunately my gastrointestinal tract is constantly moving( is there a nice way to say diarrhea?) so I know where the closest restrooms are when I am on the road. Other interesting side effects of the chemo are more sensitivity to cold, increased sensitivity to smell, taste, sound and light.
I have been dreading getting another treatment like the last one. I have pondered on it and prayed about it, telling my Heavenly Father that if it be possible I would like not to do this again but that I would do His will.

Heather and Jared and the babies flew in on Thursday night late. We went camping at the South Rolly campground near Willow on Friday and Saturday with the rest of the family. Everyone was there--a family reunion, we took a family picture by the lake. We ate hotdogs, smores, and watermelon. We cooked a dutch oven dinner; ham, green beans and potatoes (yum) and a breakfast of french toast, bacon and hot chocolate. We slept in a tent while it poured rain and enjoyed canoeing on the lake. Those who were more adventurist than I had water fights and went swimming and even said the water was warm. I almost forgot about Monday and Chemo and being sick for at least a week.

I had been back to visit with the doctor and had discussed my pains near my heart and my concerns about having the pump and the 5-FU again. He seemed to feel that my pain was associated with all the vomiting I was doing and that if I was on top of the nausea I would be able to tolerate the chemo. I left agreeing to try but still dreading the prospect and still praying that somehow this might change.
Well Brian started doing some more research ( he wasn't aware of my prayers, just knew how sick I had been). We will visit with the doctor tomorrow morning, at 10:00, I am supposed to get my chemo at 11:00. However I will not be getting the 5-FU or the pump!!! He found significant research discussing the serious, lethal, side effects of the 5-FU, especially those associated with heart problems and heart attacks. Serious enough that I will need to try something else. Jared, our dear son-in-law was doing research too and it looks like there is a chemo combination that I can take that should not be so harsh and yet almost as effective as what they were giving me. When all was said and done Brian asked me if I had been praying about this? So much information that we had needed to make a wise decision had become available at a critical time. He knows me so well----he always asks me that question when things are happening that seem impossible. I know my Heavenly Father hears and answers my prayers, not always as I would have them answered but with my best interests in mind.
I am ready for Monday, not excited, but ready. There are still other options to consider and decisions to make but I feel ready to move ahead and face what tomorrow will bring.

My Mother sent me this poem after my last chemo, I have to admit that I cried when I read it;
This experience has and is changing my life.

Pain stayed so long, I said to him today
I will not have you with me any more.
I stomped my foot and said, be on your way
Then paused there startled at the look he wore.

I who have been your friend, said he to me.
I who have been your teacher. All you know
Of understanding, love and sympathy,
Of patience I have taught you, shall I go?

He spoke the truth, this strange, unwanted guest.
I watched him leave and knew that he was wise.
He left a heart made tender in my breast
He left a clearer vision in my eyes.

Today is Thursday... Chemo was Monday, I didn't sleep well and so I slept on the couch. Randy kept me company on the floor. I went into work for a few hours on Tuesday, that is all I could handle. Too dizzy and nauseated. Tuesday night I was restless, the pump I wore was a constant reminder of the Chemo. In the middle of the night I started to get pains off and on near my heart as well as nausea. Finally I clamped off the pump and Brian took out the battery of that pump! I don't know if I will ever wear it again. I don't want to feel that way again. Wednesday afternoon I was finally able to get up and get dressed enough to go to the infusion lab to get hydrated and to get some meds that the nurse said would make me feel better. At the end of the infusion I was still feeling nauseated so she gave me something to make me sleep, and it did. By the time Brian got me home I could barely wake up to get in the house. All I remember telling him and Angie is that I would be glad to stay in the car. I slept and slept and slept.

Today I feel better but still a little queasy. I even ate oatmeal and raisins and almond milk for breakfast and it tasted good and stayed down. Brian took me to the lab for another hydration this time without the meds. Randy and Angie came with him to pick me up and check out the artwork in the doctor's office. We ate lunch in the cafeteria. By the way the cafeteria at the mat-su regional hospital serves some pretty good food. I ate the chicken dumpling soup, some green beans and some french fries. Comfort foods. I think I may have enough energy to put in a few hours at work this afternoon.
After this experience I don't know what I will do. I am certainly not ready to do this again. I know I don't want my heart to feel that way again. The nurse said after 3 treatments they could do a scan and see if the chemo was making a difference in my tumors. Maybe if they put me out for the entire ordeal I could handle it. Hmmmm... I see the doctor on Monday. Two treatments down and 4 to go???? Or am I finished? Only I can know!
Dinner was salmon patties, chicken noodle casserole, a fruit bowl and asparagus of course.